Time's Up

Everything we do these days are prefixed by the thought "This is probably the last time we'll..." Having a baby and being chained to a night feeding chair and the food processor for the next few years is what I've resigned myself to. So, we loved every moment of our glam dinner date with Greig and Amanda on Sunday night. It was very Sydney. We had dinner at The Victoria Room where everything is very eclectic British Raj style - confirming to all my readers how 'very Sydney' it must've been!! All food was delicious and served in small tapas portions for sharing. We sat in that booth just over there.

Only a few weeks to go in this crazy town. We rented our house out today so that's another tick in the 'to do' box. Tomorrow is a tad of shopping and then a visit to the Diana (as in the Princess) exhibition at the Powerhouse. Some of you out there will think less of me for admitting I wanna check it out but I'm comfortable with my interests. It might help you to know I'm also really keen to visit the Sydney Holocaust Museum in our last week here as I think I need to be confronted with this part of history which I don't know heaps about.

Death gets sadder

We all feel something when you get news like the death of Heath Ledger. You have a think, you read some press, you watch the reports. I think the morning news program I'll refer to as S*nr*se, just hammered their final nail into their own coffin over the last 2 days. I can not see the reasoning or purpsose in flying Mel to Hollywood to conduct live reports from LA. The man has died in New York. There is nothing to see in LA. There's nothing to see in NY either. I've had enough of that crowd.

What's even more repulsive is the fundaMENTAList church in the US that is picketing Heath's funeral because of his portrayal of a gay man in Brokeback Mountain.

Tell her she's dreamin'

Cricket is now a vital component of my entertainment schedule and vernacular. It's only an interest as old as my relationship with Michael. In conversation I like to drop phrases like 'reverse swing' to confirm I listen and learn off cricket commentators. I've invented my own signature reaction to Michael Clarke when he stuffs up and it usually goes something like 'he really Bingled that one' or 'Oh! Michael Bingle'. This just confirms I know his game on and off the field as he dates Lara Bingle - more famous for saying "Where the bloody hell are you?" than dating an international sports star.

Part of this pregnancy deal is vivid dreaming. My dreaming capacity is quite developed even when not incubating so now I'm working extra hard all night on new stories. So, a few nights ago Michael Clarke came into Gloria Jean's. I went to the register to serve him and he asked for "One macchiato for everyone on the team". I was so flustered and under pressure to remember how many that acutally was and in haste asked "Is that 13? No, No! I know it's not 13. Do you want one for the 12th man as well?" Luckily I recovered myself before he could make fun of me. So, I processed his order and in true Gloria Jean's habit I robotically asked if I could take his name for the order. His reply embarrassed me - "Don't you know who I am?" Yes! I did know who he was. I went away to make 12 macchiatos but no one on staff would help me and so it just took a very, very long time to finish his order. I woke up tossing and turning and groaning. Michael gave me a pat and asked if everything was alright. "I just made the Australia Cricket Team macchiatos and it took a long time". Yes dear.

Fatty R Buckle

The most interesting thing in this photo is not Michael's retaining wall or his Sir Walter Buffalo Grass....although he is very proud of both these things. We are in the process of completing all the jobs in the backyard we thought we'd have 5 years to do. Alas, only 4 weeks before we fly to Perth. So, you might have noticed I'm in the photo too but some of the bump is Yum Cha we had for lunch today in Chinatown with our friends Jeff & Jo.

Sydney friends

This is the Sydney gang that came for lunch yesterday. Some of these guys Michael has been mates with since high school so we'll miss them heaps. You'll notice I'm not as slim as I used to be but am feeling great. Having lots of kicking going on inside and the Lil' Bebe is going to be very well dressed in the massive bag of clothes Deirdre (black top) handed down - she had boy/girl twins last winter so I'm set!

Cam n Libs

Here they are.

The Spreadsheet

Our time over the next 5 weeks is dictated by a spreadsheet of all the people to see and jobs to accomplish before we fly out. Michael is the spreadsheet guru however allowed me venture into the world of Excel to map out the timeframe. What a guy? It makes me feel a sense of control to know that most things are accounted for and in-hand.

There have been many tears cried in the last week regarding Cam's health (see http://www.thewalkbeside.com/) however we have never felt abandoned, overlooked, hard done by or screwed. There is so much to be grateful for I'm feeling more alive than ever with a bubbling sense of gratitude and joy.

• Grateful for a progression in the cancer that has propelled him toward treatment in the 'early stages' of growth.
• Elated we are being moved from Sydney to Perth next month by a company who knows nothing of the family situation or the timing of such.
• Time for processing, talking, wasting, eating, healing, reading and incubating. Turn on the news tonight and you'll hear several stories of devestated families who had no time for all these things.
• Loved and upheld by crowds of witnesses who are praying, hoping, wishing, believing and grieving as much as we are.
• Grateful for opportunities that take me away from a Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner existence to consider the realities behind actuality. This time last week we had no information to change our belief on the semi-stable nature of Cam's cancer. With the most recent results we know more. More will either devestate us with grief or free us to know that healing disregards information.

Last week I told a friend about our move to Perth explaining the job offer and that my brother was quite sick with cancer. His immediate response was "Is he a Christian?" and after I answered yes he replied "Oh, that's alright then". Even though he believes in the concept of salvation I found the response offensive and shallow. This is not complete faith. Our faith is about holding all understanding in tension - believing whole-heartedly in the "Father's house" of heaven while still being able to embrace this crazy, mixed up world with all its fabulous goodies and fight hard to save lives...in every sense.

Speaking of crazy and mixed up...this post might be a bit like that. I sat down to write a 5 min update as I was walking out the door to work. That was 40m ago and I've just typed with out too much consideration. Whoopsy daisy.

Undercover Bruver

Undercover Brother [pronounced: Bruver] is a movie that I had to watch with someone who thought it was hysterically funny....otherwise I'd find it hard to muster a giggle. It is funny, but it's better with a giggler. Well my bruver was a giggler in this movie so he will forever be Undercover Bruver to me.

Since July 2007 he and Libs have had contrasting results and opinions regarding Cam’s cancer. At one point the results said “unremarkable” with nothing more to talk about. Then there have been 2 other occasions like yesterday. Four lesions have now appeared on his bones and we now have a diagnosis that is more consistent with the increasing pain he’s been in of late. So again, we look toward the horizon at a long road ahead which involves chemo & a stem cell infusion to treat multiple myeloma.

I know he's not a bruver that got switched at the hospital because my resonance with his philosophies, theologies and perspectives is deep. "I know my God is able to save but even if he doesn't..." is one way of saying it. The western church in general could learn a lot about faith from Cam. He's not one to take a pat answer or subscribe to glib theology. He and Libs have endured enormous amounts of grief in the last year and have never become angry at the universe. They don't seem to believe that their journey should be blessed in a certain style. So, I too will take from His hand and be forever grateful for my life that is already blessed beyond what I deserve. There is no addendum to that. It was an abrupt revelation the day before Cam's cancer diagnosis in July that I read a passage titled "Jesus comforts his disciples" which then talks about the many rooms of heaven prepared for us. So much of our modern faith believes and trusts in comfort coming from alternative sources. I want to live a faith now that prays On Earth As It Is In Heaven and believes that this life is part...it's not the full.

God’s provision for us to be relocated to Perth is clearer as 2008 unfolds.

Going Westside

Well we are back in Sydney-town after our sojourn in Perth for Christmas. There's lots to say with many emotions attached to each but our most significant news is that we are moving to Perth in 6 weeks. We know this is good and right for 2008.

Michael has been restless and frustrated in his current role after more than 7 years. He had his predictable 5 year itch that never really got any attention. We weren't actively looking for the next thing but, one Saturday afternoon while he was laying his last piece of turf in the back yard, he got a phone call from his old boss at Leighton Properties. Without oversimplifying the last 2 months they pretty much offered him a role as State Manager in WA without an interview or negotiation. To this point they have been generous and sympathetic (to my state of Incubation) and so they are packing us up and moving wes’side by the 18th February.

I think this is the first major decision in my life that has been made not just for my own benefit. This is a decision to give my parents full babysitting access to their first grandchild (!) and be geographically close to Cam n Libs as they continue to recover from serious and chronic illness. For me, I’m going back to my old stomping ground but Sydney is currently ‘home’ and it will be a wrench to leave.

We are planning to live somewhere close to Cam n Libs and Carms n John who are only 200m away from each other. Probably renting for a year and then seeing how things work out.

Michael is excited about moving back into commercial development – not that he’s pumped up by the prospect of building a skyscraper – but having resources to complete jobs and enjoying a reduced commuting time to work everyday.

For me, leaving the café is something that was coming after 9 months of incubating anyway. I was hoping to keep my hand in the role and be a part of the community development and mission for years to come. But, although I’m not very good at goodbye’s, it will be a bigger one than first anticipated. I’ve been surprised how much I’ve loved Sydney. It’s a big international city with all the activities, events and culture (ie. shopping) you could want. At the same time, I think I probably know 300 regular customers in Epping by name. We don’t live far from Epping and so there are familiar faces where ever you do your grocery shopping. Some of these customers are true friends who’ve walked with me through Cam’s cancer and been overly-excited with my pregnancy.

I never really expected to make such good friendships in Sydney. Like CS Lewis titles his book “Surprised by Joy”, I’ve been taken aback by the people who have given me time in their busy world. I’ve had 2 jobs, both of which I’ve given my heart to and feel satisfied that I’ve contributed value to some things I totally believe in.

Anyway, this is a long post with lots of words and no pictures!! I know you are dying to see some of the new clothes I bought in the sales for my new figure….but you’ll have to wait.

Both of us are excited about 2008. Not just excited about the lil bebe, Perth, family, new digs, challenging job, etc. but we are thrilled that we are moving on together - with each other. My lifelong dream of marrying someone “outstanding” was true 3 years ago but he’s getting better with age. I love him so.